Sunday, May 01, 2005
Mixed.

well. having some mixed feelings. well. once in elation, another in depression. lets mention about the latter first.

Depressed.
been thinking too much all this while. includes the person and her. well. should not me thinking too much and should motivate myself more. felt so uncertain. she could just take me with her and i will be gone. forever and ever. never want to live a life again.

wonders what is me in my friends heart. definitely i have lottas friends, but so whar when they are nice to you initially and hack care after that. i know some will always be my vey close friends. *i will mention them in the elation part* sometimes i felt so lost. felt so anti social. felt unwanted. felt misarable. nah. others are all secret.

Elation!
yes. happi and optimistic me. looking at the bright sight, i do have really great friends.

firstly is her. she is forever with me. what can i ask for more?

annette. the beautiful-understand-yilong-well-enough-and-forever-with-me pal.
chandini. the charming-wonderful-great-lady-who-loves-yilong pal. *tsk tsk*
valerie. the best-always-encouraging-yilong-person-ever pal.

i specially adores this 3 people and we even call ourselves as 3344. seriously, although there are so many beautiful memories in my past, but this 3 wonderful person left the deepest mark in my heart. i am so blessed with the 3 gals. i love the times we spent together, the times we do work together, the times we complain together, the times we play together and everything. i just love them. ever.

Reflect.
of course there are others who are nice to. but thinking back at everyone of them. how many actually know me well. none. not even my 3344 people knows everything. i just find it too difficult to share.

so i try another alternative which is to know more online friends. but usually is we know le, then meet, oh yah, after sometimes then say hi. what for i let them know much about me.

so, no choice, i kept all thoughts to me and myself only. always potraying a happi-go-lucky front.

but i am glad to know 2 person who i told them some things. but again, they just know a little bit more only. not all. timothy is my teacher and he knows some. another one is an online-get-to-know friend. told him is because he is somehow or rather quite like me. *i hope i nv see wrongly* in aspects of perferance, personality, behaviour and blah. just that he is a lil extrovert than me, a lil clever than me and blah. but sometime u treat one like a really very super good/close friend, but he or she might not. because either he or she is too popular or different from what you think. i did not tell my this friend much too cos i am also unsure. what if he or she just treat me as a normal friend only and i say so much for what. although he is 'similar' to yilong and i do hope he is my close friend, but still unsure. but i am trying very hard to find a close pal le.

well, this is so messy. but anyway i pen down some stuffs le. so hopefully i will feel a lil better. am i? a lil only.

yilong ponders.

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.the guy.
label. tan yilong
gender. boii
age. 17 years old
date. 31'st august 88
email. tylong28@yahoo
msn. ed_nuts@hotmail
school. sp design
home. tamp

.tagboard.

.friends.
aaron.lim
aaron.chan
annette.yang
annice.tan
chandini.feroz
desmond.peh
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tan.meihui
vanice.lam
wilson.lim

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