Friday, July 29, 2005
Love.

hmmm. a difficult topic yea. dictionary explains it as: 1. warm liking or affection, 2. strong liking for, 3.delightful person or thing, and many more. what are your views?

i think love is about giving and recieving. i give love to people or things i adores and i recieve love from people. (i am like typing rubbish hor..) not all love must be bgr love. let me further elaborate.

giving love. my strength. who can i give love to when i haven found the right one. perhaps yes to some people, like my close friend, people who are related to me and people i admire.

i love my close friends. they treat me like siblings and always give me support! they become my pillar when i am down and they understands me. they deserve love.

i love people who are related to me (some). my parents, two sisters and some cousins and relatives. the helped me along and give me lots of advices. they teach me to live life and experience life. they deserve love.

i love the people i admire. (they do not have to mean the one i fell in love with) they deserve love because i see something in them that i really like and i adores them. (*what am i talking??*)

recieving love. well, i am poor at this. to me, i think i can count these people who i recieve love from on my finger.

NUMBER ONE: the sheep who always jokes around with me. known each other for so many years le. my pillar in life. understands me well enough and ever best pal. all she had done for me is seen as no ending love from her.

NUMBER TWO: one who is my very good partner, people always see us working, doing this together, yes that's her. her thoughtful endless care and concern is love to me.

NUMBER THREE: the two who give me a chance to live. so of course they give me love.

NUMBER FOUR: the people i fell in love with before. haha. this is a secret. loll.

herm, sadded. loll. this is so pathetic. who love me? there is this noble man who once told me something...

he say, 'our life is a passage in search of love and happiness. in this lifetime, we are all embarking on a journey to find four people. the first one is ourself. the second person is the one you love the most. the third is the one who loves you the most. the last one is the one you would ultimately spent your lifetime with.'

'often, you will first meet the one whom you love most. in the process, you would savour the experience of true love. and it is through this process and knowing how true love feels, we can then meet and know the person who loves us the most.'

oh yah. let me think through again. first, i dun think i found myself. i am lost, remember? but i do know at times i really love myself! next, can say yes, can say no. perhaps i found the person i love but is it really the most? third, i dun even know, or heard of anybody who love me. maybe there is but i dun know? but how can that be. the answer should be negative ba. last, if my answer is uncertain to the second and third, how sure am i to answer this?

oh god. noble man then say, 'after you have experienced loving and being loved,
learned how to love, you can then decide which of the two we really want and
find the individual that is most suitable, someone whom you would devote your entire life with.'

'however, the sad truth is, in life, these three individuals are often not the same person.'

i ask noble man how because suddenly i felt i am not loved. he say, 'take your time, young lad. you still have a long way infront.' phew. yes, i need to enjoy life. i still have a long way. let me slowly discover love bah. i cannot rush it through. haa, what can i do? wait and see lor.

thx noble man.

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Thursday, July 28, 2005
Touched!

oh i watched superstar just now. it is so different from the live one i watch. live feeling is real nice. well that is not the topic for today.

was listen to them singing. my interest for kelly is that same for hebe. they are wonderful. but i realised a number 2. she is xin hui. i like her too. why? she is real womanly and cool. her voice touched me. especially her slow song, "di4 yu4 tian1 shi3". (hell and angel)

that song is so touching. it is like 'tomorrow is the end of world and today i am telling how much i really love you all this while' that feeling. how beautiful. (p.s: hey! kelly is still MY FOREVER NUMBER 1!)

was reading this two person's blog. and i dunno why i kept playing that "di4 yu4 tian1 shi3" song. maybe to create a more sad feeling and a low atmosphere. anyway, i am really touched by them. (what a touching day huh?!)

that is a story of this two person from different world. do they really suit to be together? yes, definitely! at least that is what i think. yah, a few share the same idea as me too. but dunno why most are diugsted by this pair. how can u blame two who really love each other even thought they belong to different world?

but this guardian of one of them tries to spoil them. guardian hated it. guardian dun understands.

to think, how beautiful when this two got together for so long and its like devotion till death! even they are from different world, it is just like those fairy tales, a prince and a poor lady in love but some wicked people trying to do them part. how cruel.

people, be jealous! you ever think u got a chance to be like this two person in love like never? all of you just know how to fulfil your cravings for now. where are all the 'till eternally we will be together' and 'even the world dies, my love for u will never'?? they are really going to be extinct?

question me and i will tell you perhaps, but i will never forget this two who touched me today, just a few moments ago. even they dunno me, i dunno them, but i would just like to store this feeling and thoughts permanently. my best wishes for the two.

when will a silly me be treated with these beautiful tales? say i am lost. i am really lost. how wonderful if i am really lost. and in this 'lost', i can just imagine to be one of the character and enjoy all the affections i am showered with.

leave me alone again and let me be quiet. no! i will only think to much! hey now i think maybe i will appreciate this fast paced environment i am in. at least when kept with so many stuffs to do, i dun think as much. to say forget a part of your past, how easy? why i cheat myself. no, i dun wanna forget the past already. i live with it.

people always say remember the good, the happi and take the beautiful memories and throw away the bad. hey i dun wanna do that now. i want to remember all the bad! but of course i will not forget the good too. i treat the bad as a good lesson for me. so it is like a knife terribly stabbed on my chest. i will remember it for life, but while the wounds heals, i learn for it. yes let it be harsh - to me.

well, for now, let me be lost. let me be in love with the people i love again. haha.(p.s: kelly yea?! hahhaa.. jkjkjk..)

hmm, just now was scanning across my past enteries here. phew~ my logics, my thoughts and my big thinkings. well. i realised something.

everytime when i am reminder of jin, i felt sad and regretful. the i will think of asking her to take me away from here too. because i am facing too much challenges in my share of life. maybe i am not as great as u people who can live your life.

but everytime i ask her to take me away, this angel in my life comes and console me. even she cannot be there always for me, she will always affirm me with come care and concern. i am so glad to have known her. 5 years of friendship, and we have been through so much, from bad to good, from sad to happi, from strangers to friends, fromfriends to very close pals now. been through so many ups and downs, for us being so good and suddenly she ignored me for a year then back to good friends again. all the hiccups that could simply just end our friendship but it didnt. i am so greatful to her.

i am really glad to have known her. when she is happi, i am too. but again, tonight, when i am sadd, i think of jin, and think of her to take me away, i hope she will not get sad. too much i have been through in life. i just want to thank her. (you know who i am refering to)

yilong. this funny creature left in this world. always seems to be bubbly and happi jumping around and laughing like some siao people. but everyone knows he like to hide everything to himself only. not even the person closest to him know as much. but only jin will. but how strange for him to always tell jin but never ever gets a reply. haa. weirdo.

lets end her for today! enough. i want to have a break.


*yilong bufdae 31 august!!

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Move.

1.
haiya. so many to blog on. do it one by one lor. i will say all the sad thing first then move on to the happier stuff. cry first the laugh lar. haha. issnt this the siao siao yilong. always cry and laugh at the same time. lol.

2.
cry! lol. just know that ah ma in hospital. this is terribly scary. and the details are not clear. dad doesnt want to reveal much. how. i dunno what to do. only that i am going to see her tomorrow. let me pray. nothing happens. no.

3.1
cry! no. better not. not worth it. that story has come to an end. ended. (maybe only weix knows. yes.. if u read, shhhhh. no one else knows) not too good of a feeling. i was sad. really bad. since then, july 10, actually wanted to visit jin. but came this annoying message. well, i dunno how to react. i thought it is a prank.

3.2
but who knows... i hate it. gosh, from that day till now i am still sick lor. and in this period, i ate a full tub of icecream then never eat for the whole day. all at one go, thrice. i am mad. i almost finish a can of condensed milk. siao. i eat stupid things. siao. friends also say me siao. really siao. i cannot believe it too. bad cough. i am still eating icecream now. my parents are shouting. went siao liao. (now sing also cannot reach all my high notes lo)

3.3
yes. right. move on. shucks. u cheated me. shoo. i am really lost le. forever. i dun want to have any contact with that again. (dun add salt to a wound!) yes. sorry i also know how to say. i can party here and say sorry to the whole world. just take it as i am a fool here. too stupid.

3.4
well. cry. NO! not worth it. weeks gone. no replies. no say. no comments. end it. STOP! bye.

4.1
laugh. superstar! i went! yesterday! met jiali! met yuzhi! never see weijian. never see jingying. lol. heya. so glad. i spoke to yuzhi. but i would more like to speak to jiali!!! i love jiali!! jiali!!!!!!!!!!!

4.2
cry! weiqiang is out. haa. one of the contestant i support. aiya. so sadd. he is out. thats why now i support weijian. but i added him in friendster! yes! found him!! and i added weijian too! please reply me! i want the ticx to go watch and support u guys! weiqiang aka SEBASTIAN rocks. (3sa, if u read this will u faint? issnt this name so familar??) yes I SUPPORT SEBASTIAN! hee =]

4.3
laugh! jiali is awesome. ever so beautiful. sings well despite bad throat. a SUPERSTAR! always choose difficult songs. well done! well sang! all the way, jiali.

5.1
laugh! recently went to energy's concert. it is wonderful. just like the first time i watch their concert. the previous is really POWER! now, its time for them to say good bye~ but i will still support! because they are ENERGY! forever. by the way went with shuying again. thanks! =]

5.2
wonderful concert. i got this special pass to go into their backstage. the seats are much more better than the fans. because we sat at the first table. directly infront. and at that moment i kept quiet all the way because i am so nervous. then they came! did some interviews and i only could get shuwei's signature. took group photo too. actually wanted to take personal picx with nuinai but too rush. haiya. but i was too fantic. cos when took group photo, he is next to me and he laid his hands on my head then on my shoulders. for near a week i never wash that shirt i am wearing that day lor. siao~

5.3
it was funny. there was this moment i stood infront of nuinai and we, both have nothing to do. stared at each other then i too shy and waved to him say 'hi nuinai'. mind u the standing gap was so near, <1m. and he wave back and smiles. he is so kind. he is so nice. lol. i am the only pink shirt there which coincides with shuwei. lol. so memorable.

6
design project come to a stop. for a short while only. now is my one week holiday. but have lottas homework and sketckes to do. waiting impatiently for the next results. 1st project results was just accetable. 2B+ and 1A+!!!! good. work hard yilong! dunno when will the primer 2 results be out. waits! new project will resume on school reopens. but fear not. i can make it de!

7
long entry yea! happi reading!

8
support my superstar!!! jiali aka KELLY and weijian aka DERRICK!!!

9
yilong's bufdae coming!! 31 august! celebrates.

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Monday, July 18, 2005
Change.

phew.. finally i get to do my postings again.. it has been a long time since i have really blog. so many things have happened. sadd, happi, whatever. and i didnt have a chance to write down!!

i never blog about that thing here at all. never i will. it was sadd but, oh well.. like i have used to say, nothing is meant to be clear here.

yess. i went to energy's last concert!! it was awesome!! i even went to the the back stage. but sadly i only have gotten one signature. but we took a group photo. i got fantic after that and i never wash my clothes for three days lorr. pengx.

school is as stressful. well, for my group, the final model does not work. so sadd. lol. i dun wanna ending up having bad result. nooooooo.

anyway, i will looking forward to my holidays. and so many people's buf dae coming!! loll.

my bufday - 31st aug!! comin soon.

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Lost.

shucks. my thumb drive is spoilt! i dunno why too. this is disgusting. yesterday was still functioning well. but now it is spoilt. cannot use. i spent 89 dollas on it lor. f***.

thats all folk.

** thous left @ 9:33:00 AM ** | 0 comments

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.the guy.
label. tan yilong
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date. 31'st august 88
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