Saturday, September 17, 2005
Manipulated

haiya. i dun feel good again now. why? it is because of kelly again. yes, i am sorry that i did not perform well for primer 3 due to me being over spending time on kelly. oh well, critique the lecturers say me, in class peers say me. well. i stopped. really did my primer 4 without thinking of kelly, just only listen to her songs. thats all.

until i recieved a message from hong jun that i got a ticket to see her recording on sunday. wow. i am so glad. cos limited tickets again and i am reserved for one! i feel that i shine again after soooo many days never think about her. but some things that happened smash it all.

because of this primer 4, i sleep so little, i quarrelled with my dad, i lost my soul, i fall sick. i was doing. perhaps my style was different, but they see me as not working enough and think i am not focused. well, i did, but... oh well oh well. what else can i say?! then i see them to crap around, i reciprocated but again, i am known for not focusing. so aren't they?

well, now come to my life, people tell me not to see kelly. hey, it is just one pathetic hour and it is the very last minute nearing crit. so what's so much to do then that i die die cannot see her. i have no say. or rather i also dun want to say. later i hurt a friendship, it is my fault. like how people say my other classmate for doing something not right. i dont want the next one to be me.

what can i do? complain here? no use. no choice. well, things taught me in greenview failed me. i am sorry to my mentors and advicers. what is taught me has gone down the drain. i thought i can benefit it in this phrase of life, but it seems the other way round. i am, perhaps, just a puppet. manipulated.

initially i feel so glad to be in this. really very happi and satisfied but now this arose, i dont know. perhaps a little disappointed. in me? i dont know. maybe i regret? but what to do.

people just see me chase kelly like one siao freak, but they dont know why. perhaps you ask them, they say you like her ma. maybe that's all their reply. hai. i dont want to say here le.

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.the guy.
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