Monday, November 28, 2005
Back. oh. i am back to my bloggie le. so long never update and i sure have lots to reflect! this will DEFINITELY be a very long post!
hmmm that day was chatting with lionheart. haa, gonna tret me go k?! hehe. lalala~ thats great, going go sing again lo.
aiya, council retreat camp just ended two days ago and i nearly died from it. need to rush to sp for lectures then go back greenview for camp. book in and out de. made me so messy.
day one was pretty fine. i got alot of heavy stuffs to carry. that was like one bag for my clothes and another big bag for my books. and it is like 8 books one a4 size file and an a3 folio. -_-
did my introduction to the council and get on with the programmes. then realised there were too many problems in council and all the seniors *in my batch* were like discussing about how we should approach mtt. the aim is to let him know how we feel, but the challenge was not to challenge his authority.
i mean we want to help him but dont want to hurt or trouble him. 3sa and me definitely had a big headache and in the process, we had a little 'quarrel' *nothing too serious la* on how and what to do! long discussion before andy take the lead to the 'reflection' session with him.
well, i am sure some thing will be done, and thats back to BASIC.
day two i book out from camp iat 6am! mummy sent me to the bus stop and i hurt my leg on the journey. -_- slept on the train and miss my stop. backtrack. *sianx 1/2* have to had desk critique le. i cannot drag it on.
well it started off with camp day one, befor i report for camp, i met edmund and he had also given comments on my concepts too. guess they were not too strong and they were only treatments, not really considered as concepts. and worst of all he gave me lots of stress. look at this lo>>>
"yilong, you are a good designer, and you understand we do expect more from you. hmmm, i am sure by lunch time you can give me something better and strong, yea? get back to me asap alright."
"err, orhh. yahh. thanks ed..."
oh well, oh well. in the end, i ran away, dont dare to see him and go straight to greenview. thats why i prepared to go back to school on day two. this trouble is running in me all day long in camp and i tried very hard to forget it and concentrade on something else. i worked doubly hard the previous night after lights off just to come up with new concepts. haha, in the end i fell asleep but luckily i had done everything!
when for desk critique again. more stress added, and look>>>
"well, you now have something stronger and firm, work hard on the zoning and programming now! remember your study models too!"
"err, orhh. yahh. thanks ed..."
-_-" soon was farewell night. by then i was like so sad, because i am reminded of the time when it was my farewell. the atmosphere was high, but my feelings were low. and gave anne the pressies and sure she love it yea?? a post card filled with my sincere appreciation for my very good buddy, benneth and rayson too. afterall, anne was my very close classmate in sec 1 and 2, together with benneth from one class before us, were the one i played with since then till now and rayson made a good friend and team player too in council and sec 3 and 4 as classmates together with benneth! =]
back to school and it was danny ho's farewell. oh. he is leaving for a better future. i hope so... aiya, my feeling defeated me again and i teared again, in another farewell. i mean, in this path when i were a councillor, mtt was not around and danny ho was my pillar of support. he did gave me and 3sa alot of space and sometimes, i feel that we overwrite him too much. think we owe him too much. but really thank him too.
day three was kayaking! wow. i was definitely burnt. but a great day thought. had fun and enjoyed it.too tired and when i got home, still need to do study model. i will soon die from all this and the stress on me.
as i expected. i knew i cannot complete it. and edmund, maybe was too disappointed, again. i mean elaine was not around and she knows me well. i need her to be around for me but she is in a long mc break. i wonder what happened to her but i believe she is seriously sick, otherwise she would not leave us alone to run this race. elaine! get well soon and i need you back!
fiona was like asking me what camp i went to. does a secondary school camp matters too much then my projects and all this could lead me to my second C or even first D, E or F in my progress report. oh, i question myself too.
i think going back for council to see the growth and help out is very important but perhaps that does not mean that i can neglect my work. but everything clashes and it all piles up together above me. the loads are too heavy for me to bring across the river. i really dont know what to do. but i know its because of camp i did not meet the expectations of me, need not even mention about the expectations i set for myself. hey bloggie, dont you get it? i am a perfectionist, but now i lost my will to move on the pace i set for myself. i am very depressed now and soon i will devastate. peiting says she want to quit. that rings something in me too.
lets get on with life for now and lets say something else...
i pray and pray. pray for a better life and other's happiness too. i will wave goodbye to some happiness to bring up yours instead. in this process i will learn to bear everything as it is something i have to pay. on my part things are starting to change and i feel it already. at least i feel better.
lose happiness does not equals to sadness.
err, it is terribly when i walk the way we used to walk. ohh. i am falling too much, very much.
hmmm, i hope you are happi ok. dont always feel so bad and pessimistic. dont slit yourself le. you are not only hurting yourself, but people around you feel the pain on your wrist too! just know that when you cry, i am willing to be around, even i cannot make you feel better, i will give you all my support. everybody will always be ready for you. you DONT run the race alone! you will be happi from now. i believe.
another friend i know was badly hurt too la. hmm, i dont know how to console people lehx.
today! i went to marcus house house to help him with work. haha. well, sick, not me, its him. oh, get well soon yea! its not a good time to fall sick now lehx!
and its the grand opening ceremony of the 23th Sea Games! well, i am very very affected by this. because it will remind me that i quitted ssa. my greatest regret. i lost. everything. never able to make it for sea games le. thats why in school i am trying so hard to join swimming team, hoping someday i can go back to club again. but, i dont know la. mother told me go waterpolo better. but i still prefer competitive swimming. hmmm, am i too selective? should i miss out the chance on waterpolo? aiya, i dont know la!
well, albert kor is at manila now! for sea games! and representing Singapore in archery! wow wow! i aspire to be like him. well, swimming, anyway, havent run the race i already lost. =[
i think i am suffering too much. i may just fall anytime when i cannot take it anymore. but will you be there to be a support...
at least something pleased me today lo. i am not forgotten =]** thous left @ 1:15:00 AM **
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