Sunday, February 12, 2006
melancholy.

well, these few days was just alright for me. i have been stuffing myself with chocolates and ice cream. and i mean really loads of them!

my crit was just over. and i actually dont know what should my feelings be. i know i did not perform to the best of my capabilities, but the workload is simply just to stressing.

i could not work well under that type of stress. and i was even on the verge of giving up. with the addition of support from my relatives, i finally decided not to go for my submission - the FIRST time! instead i was at greenview's secondary one orientation camp!

well, in the crit, the panel mentioned that i did not make full use of my strengths and it is a waste of my potential. yes, indeed i feel the same too. it was rather wasted but i just cant do the best! elaine also mentioned that it was irresponsible of me not to go for submission. althought i got A for my design, i might still fail because of this attitude. but she did not know the reason why. afterall, i thought through and realised that yea, it was my fault, and now i feel really guilty to disappoint her.

i no longer want to give up. i must endure till the end and climb up to be in the top! moreover the panel sees potential in me. i should not let my strengths go wasted. i felt sad, i dont know why, i am still confused.

talking about secondary one orentation camp, it was fabulous. i never regret going for the camp. my job was to do life saving for the raft station together with yvonne, gerald and zackill. we deinitely had our fun and little jokes. lol. and i also helped out at mummi's first aid post.

and in the night, day one, many fall ill. everything was just so messy with mummi attending to 3 casualties at the quadrangle and me staying at the first aid post attending to another 4 casualties. at the moment, i was like going mad, afterall, my first aid was like basic only, and it was my first time doing that.

that time, i suddenly felt that i become like some daddy or big brother. taking care of those people and cosoling those home sicks. -_-

well, i got to know some great people too. gerald, zackill, jan, farah, and blah. i also got to know a number of new students! oh yah! jianfeng! lol. he was a casualty on the first night, and we took care of him! since then i am so attached to his class, 1TC! haha. i love that class mann! although that was the most casualty class, it was also the most cutest class!

even till now, when i go back to greenview, i will specially go find them. hahaa. they are like my xiao guas, just like mummi and her xiao guas. =]

oh yah, i have been going back to greenview very often lately. yes, me and mummi hope to guide the council through and teach and guide them along as much as possible. i hope this would help mtt.

though i am more relaxed now, i dont quite feel happi about it at all. more time, means i got more time to reflect and think. and i just got to know something recently that make me very very sad. i dont want to say anything anymore. it hurts. i dont know why it happen to turn out this way. this is bad. at least being with mummi and staying in greenview, keeping me occupied at all times make my forget that thing. i am really sad!

i think, i think. all about the past. lol. they are all memories. many things supposedly to be sweet, but brought pain to my heart instead. you, you, you and you. haix.

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.the guy.
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